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Navigating Modern Romance

I’m a maximizer. I have come to this conclusion after reading Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. 

I want the best of everything, and I’m not afraid to put the work in to get it. I don’t mind spending hours in search of the perfect internship, or much less importantly the perfect handbag.

I’m not one to settle, because I’m a dreamer who believes I have enough passion and ambition to make pretty much anything I want a reality.

This dreamer mentality has possibly skewed my view of real life and what is truly attainable.

I often light the candle on both ends by trying to do everything. I am constantly told I have unrealistic ideas about my future and about what love looks like. I tend not to tolerate imperfection.

I think these traits make me better and will ultimately make me more successful, but Modern Romance opened my eyes to the not so great implications of being a maximizer.

In a world full of so many options I am guilty of believing that there is always something or someone who is better for me. I have created an ideal version of the man I will marry, and he has virtually zero flaws especially when it comes to how he loves me.

I assume that enough Tinder swipes or enough nights spent at the KK will lead me to this perfect man, when in reality he likely doesn’t even exist, and if he does he probably spends all hours of the night reading Walt Whitman and not taking shots at the KK.

I’m so caught up in possibilities that I miss the reality of the beautiful imperfection that may be standing right in front of me. Constantly searching for something better diminishes the beauty of now and ultimately inhibits the grandeur of potential happiness.

The search for something better is a never ending road to despair, because in an imperfect and ever evolving world the best cannot exist; it is all relative.

The best is all how you think of it, and although I will not stop trying to be better, I have decided to recognize that I, and the people I love, are the best we can be right now.

I am choosing to recognize that my ideals are only inhibiting my happiness. I am choosing to recognize that love does not mean finding the best person it means finding someone who see’s the best in you and remains lovable through imperfections.

I’m going to stop searching for “the best” and start seeing the best in whatever comes my way, and maybe you should too.

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